Thank You, 2013

I wrote this because I can’t sleep. God knows how I tried every single way to make myself comfortable tonight. Today is the last day of the year 2013, 3:45AM.

They say 13 is a not so lucky number. Time is fleeting. And as I flip the pages of my personal journal, I can say that this year passed by leaving an indelible mark in my life. Nope. Not all of them are unlucky. In fact, I didn't believe in luck at all. At least before this year came. If I could sum up my 2013, it was a roller-coaster ride with a two second pause at the hundred eightieth degree of the loop.

No, this is not a recap of any travel escapades I had from January to December. Yes, I still had a lot of those. But for this year, since my life stumbled upon many significant challenges, I would rather muse over the things I learned the most. I had a lot of should-have’s and could-have-been’s I never thought I will think of. Nonetheless, it was a heck of a blissful ride.

One Facebook status says it all, “Hindi Ka nagkulang, Lord.” I knew then that my life would not be the same again. I knew it was not the job I wanted to keep. I knew too that I will eventually be living the life I am destined to have. Little did I now that in the middle of chaos, there was an organized scheme where God wanted me to go.

2013 was difficult. For some reason, I didn't see it that way until now that I remember how things unfolded. I only felt the hard part on the earlier months. Later on, all I can sense was a different kind of peace, something I have never felt before. I can compare it to the dreamlike serenity I encountered in Pangubatan, Samal Island in August. And right now, as I write in this small apartment, I feel that everything is back to normal, only this time, less lethargic.

It was more than the outdoor gear business which I have longed to launched. It was more than that beach conversation with my best buddy in March. It was more than knowing my capacity to stretch out my heart to the point of discovering the formerly unknown areas. It was more than being health conscious and staying fit. It was more than a new pet. This time, every travel of the heart is noteworthy. Every single word is well-thought. Every single action is carefully decided.

True enough, hindi Ka nagkulang, Lord. In fact, you added some more that my cup is brimming with blessings. You turned my weeping into dancing and filled me with great joy. After all the things I have been through, I cannot thank You enough for keeping me safe in your arms. I cannot think of any place, any darkness here on Earth where I can turn away from that kind of love. Now, as I change my calendar, I will remember 2013 with all humility and gratefulness.

On the Last Day of my Puerto Princesa Trip

It has been the fifth day since I left Puerto Princesa City with a heavy heart. How I wish I could stay longer. Falling in love with the city is one of the good things I felt for all these travel escapades I have been doing in the past couple of months. In this regard, allow me to express something through the language of my heart that is Filipino.

Ang terminong walang pagsidlan ng tuwa ay isang pagtitipid ng pahayag. Oo at nag-uumapaw ang aking saya at pagtangi sa nag-iisang lungsod sa Palawan subalit ang totoo, ang saya at pagtanging ito ay hindi maipahahayag ng mga salita. Sa aking palagay, kailangan mo itong sadyain nang malaman mo ang ibig kong sabihin.

Dumating ako nang walang kakilala roon maliban sa ilang taong nakausap ko online sa pamamagitan ng proyektong Couchsurfing, isang website na layong maipagniig ang mga manlalakbay sa iba’t ibang sulok ng mundo. Iyon ang una kong subok na gamitin ang pagkakataong makituloy nang libre sa isang hindi ko kakilala bagaman Disyembre pa nang nakaraang taon nang ako’y nag-sign up sa website na ito.

Kung tutuusin, estranghero ako sa bayang iyon subalit sa mga unang pagtapak ko pa lang dito ay kaibigan na ang turing ng mga taosa akin. Hindi pa man nagsisimula ang aking paglilibot, ginagabayan na ako ng mga bago kong kaibigan para sa mga dapat kong gawin at puntahan sa pinakamalinis na lungsod sa bansa.

The City in a Forest – Ito ang taguri sa makakalikasang lungsod ng Puerto Princesa. Kaya nga naman, una sa aking listahan ang dalawa sa pinakabantog nilang atraksyon: Ang pamamangka sa Puerto Princesa Underground River at ang paglundag sa mga isla ng Honda Bay. Ang dalawang ito ay lubos kong ikinatuwa. Aaminin kong may mga pagkakataong sa sobrang ganda ng aking nakikita ay halos maluha ako sa mangha. Subalit ang mga ito ay wala pa sa kalingkingan. Sinasabi nilang marami pang mas maganda sa Palawan higit sa Puerto Princesa. Sabi ko sa kanila, kung dito ay natuwa ako, sana hindi ako atakihin sa pusosaiba pang makikitakosaibangmga pueblo sa hinaharap.

Oomanghang-manghaako, isang Manilenyo, sa kakaibang hulma ng Diyos sa kalikasan na nahahayag sa marikit na bayang iyon. Subalit higit sa mga atraksyong panturista, hindi ako halos makapaniwala sa pagkabukas-palad at pagkapalakaibigan ng mga lokal doon. Bukod sa libreng matutuluyan, ibinigay ng may-ari ng bahay ang kanyang panahon upang masamahan ako sa paglibot sa magagandang pasyalan sa lungsod gayundin sa pagkain ng pinakamasasarap na kainan. Nakipagkuwentuhan siya hanggang madaling araw sa kabila ng maagang pasok kinabukasan. May iba pa akong mga naging kaibigan sa pamamagitan din ng website na sumama sa aming mga gimik. Ang isa’y manggagamot na dumederetso pa sa aming hapunan pagkatapos ng kanyang trabaho at ang isa ay hotelier na siyang tumulong sa aking pagpapareserba ng tour na may diskwento pa!

Maliban sa di-maitatangging gandang Underground River at Honda Bay, maraming bagayang tumatak sa akin sa loob ng apat na araw na paglilibot ko roon. Hindi sasapat ang isang paskil para maihayag ang lahat ng ito.Subalit ang habambuhay kong magugunita ay ang huli kong paglalakad nung huling araw ko sa lungsod. Ito ay sa Mitra Road sa distrito ng Sicsican. 

Habang binubusog ng magagandang tanawin ang aking mga mata sa kalsadang iyon, hindi ko napigilan ang mapaluha sa pasasalamat. Bagaman madalas kong gawin ang paglilibot mag-isa, hindi ko maikakailang sa mga paglalakad na iyon higit kong nakakausap ang Maylikha. Sa kaabalahan ng Kalakhang Maynila, mahirap nang pilitin ang sariling manahimik at magmuni sa kung ano ang ibig ipadama ng Diyos sa atin. Mahirap ang buhay na walang panahon para sa katahimikan. Nakababaliw. Napakabuti ng Diyos sa akin sa pagbibigay Niya ng pagkakataong makapaglakbay ako sa kabilang limitadong panahon at salapi. Subalit higit pa sa pagkakataon, ang lakas ng loob na kahit paano’y subukang lakbayin ang Pilipinas ang aking ipinagpapasalamat. Maraming tao ang mas may kakayahang maglibot. Subalit iilan lang ang napupuspusan ng tiwala sa sarili na kayang kaya pala gawin ang lahat ng ito kung gugustuhin.

Hangad kong marating mo ang Puerto Princesa. Siyangapala, humigit kumulang limang libong piso lamang ang lahat ng aking nagasta sa apat na araw na pananatili ko doon. Kasama na rito ang lahat ng pamasahe. Ang detalye nito sa mga susunod na artikulo.

Black Nazarene: A Feast of Filipino Faith

I am not a devotee of this particular image of Christ but for some reason, I got attracted to witness the much-celebrated feast for the first time yesterday. At least, to tell myself, I have joined the throng of people even once in  my life. My goal: to take pictures. But last night, I knew it was not the only thing I took home. Somehow, I am reminded of many things about my being Filipino and being Catholic.

Belief in miracles

Miracles do happen. It happened actually a number of times during the years of Jesus' public ministry. And how did he usually perform these? By laying down his hands or by touching the one asking for favor. Every year, a horde struggles to get near the image. I don't know the prayers of these people but I am sure, it is worth the risk. But why risk your life for a piece of wood? Some would say. And many other religions would consider this fanaticism and even idolatry.They wouldn't really know unless they have immersed themselves into the life of these ordinary people whose faith is simply fervent and sincere. The piece of wood may not be Christ himself but many people can attest how it has become a channel of God's grace. This Catholic icon is simply a reminder that we can all turn to Him for whatever reason it is we desire within our hearts. 

I am not a devotee but I remember asking a favor to Senyor Nazareno when I was in college. It was the only time that I did it and the prayer was granted in perfect timing. As a Christian who always turns to the liturgy for my personal intentions, I thought that the real miracle was not behind the image of Christ. But inspired by the image of Christ, we are enlightened to the horizons of God's endless grace. Hence, paving way for miracles or opportunities to enter in our lives. The logic may be as simple as being optimistic. But for a believer, it is more than just the positivity. It is hope with trust in anything God openly gives us. And whatever God has in mind for us, we do not know. In fact, in our prayer, the grace of strength, clarity and hopefulness is basically the main miracles God is giving us. 

Yes. Jesus can still perform miracles beyond scientific realities up to this day. Many devotees can attest to this. I don't know how these things happen but definitely, but one thing's for sure, He performs this in many ways. And most of the time, through people with devotions.

Display of devotion

Filipinos are very expressive. There's no doubt about that especially when we talk about hand gestures and body languages. Last night, I was amazed once again with the power of people gathered together to hear mass. The singing of Papuri sa Diyos gave me chills as I saw some believers wave their hands and white hankies. And this is in spite of the jamming crowd inside and outside the Basilica Minore. 

When the station for communion where we were lining up was cut, I was a bit saddened. But when I looked around, there was still this Lay Minister who breaks the Body of Christ into smaller pieces for those who have not received the communion yet. Ushered by a devotee in maroon uniform, he squeezed towards those who still want to take communion. I was so happy that my mass was complete because of him.

A woman also tried to enter the church to have her miniature Black Nazarene blessed. She was raising it to protect it from the squeezing crowd. Lots of devotional items were also sold on the streets for those who want to take a souvenir home. These scenes made me rethink my way of worshiping Christ in the Eucharist. How have I really let myself be moved again by the Presence of God in the Holy Mass?

Passion of the Christ

There's a big reason why the image is so popular in the Philippines. It is a perfect reminder to the struggling Filipino that Christ knows exactly how it feels. The image of Jesus carrying the cross attests to his sufferings as a human being. During communion, the congregation sang the heartfelt Huwag Kang Mangamba by Fr. Manoling. You may see some teary eyed mass-goers singing the melodic chorus. The Black Nazarene is a reminder that there's an end to sufferings and sadness.

Also, just as Christ showed, we are given the opportunity to get up every time we become weak and fall short. As Bishop Tagle shared in his homily, "the image of the Nazarene portrays Jesus getting up from a fall. So it is not that we should never stumble. Even Jesus fell at times. The moral is that no matter how many times you go down, you always get up afterwards... And that is why it doesn't matter that there was a terror threat at the procession, and several warnings for the devotees not to come; 7.5 million came regardless. Because devotees believe that there is nothing they can't bounce back from, not with the help of the Nazarene."

The Filipino Community

The sea of people I witnessed were a multitude of happy faces. There were signs of tiredness and joy at the same time. The passion of such big Catholic community gathered together is simply awe-inspiring. How could you be in a bad mood when as a brother squeezes in, he wishes you the Peace of Christ? LOL.

My first experience of the Feast of the Black Nazarene was very refreshing. I thought I was not going to have a prayer time but now I can say that last night was the first time I got so engaged immensely in a liturgy in the year 2012. It was just moving. I went home filled with hope, anticipating so many blessings for the rest of the year.

If you have questions regarding this popular faith, I suggest you read the article written by Msgr. Jose Clemente Ignacio on this link.

Thank you for reading and may the good Lord bless you this year and the years to come. :)

Bring it on 2012!

I start the year in this new cozy coffee shop in Market! Market! evaluating the previous year and planning the one that has just started a few hours ago. I am still in awe with the blessings of the previous years. I found out that many of my plans were not executed but amazingly, many other things happened even though they were not on the list. God is great.

Around 40 percent of my specific plans were done last year and I think it is not bad. My plans are just but guides but I am always ready to go where the Spirit leads me. My 2011 matrix was focused on something that God didn't want me to drown into. Instead, He tapped me to get the balance that's just right and more fulfilling. This year, as I retain some of my previous unfinished goals, I make everything simple and focus on the things that really matter at the moment. Some of which I have neglected partly during the previous years while some are part of cleaning out my closet.

If 2011 turned out that great more than I expected, how much more does 2012 have to offer? Now I am ready. I'm finally ready more than ever. More than the previous New Years, this one is really going to be a blast.

Bring it on 2012!

2011: Milestones and Memories

I was not able to publish my 2010 year-ender blog and in fact it is still in the drafts folder. Well, right now, I don't want just to keep them to myself. 2011 has been so good to me. A lot of things happened even outside the plans I have set to myself. Through this post, I would like to thanks the Lord for keeping me alive and giving me chances to live and not just exist. I'd like to thank Him for convincing me to come out of my shell by and by. Filled with grace, let me share with you the top ten blessings I have received this year.

10. The Climb
It was my first time to reach a mountain peak. With new friends, I experienced one of the most blissful moments of adventure and prayer at the same time. During that climb, I was able to reflect as I appreciate God's wonderful creation. I also promised to myself that I will be climbing more mountains in the future.

9. Bacchanalia
I won't really know my alcohol tolerance if not with these guys. Just kidding. I just can't help but thank the generosity of our Aussie boss for giving us the quarterly team buildings, better called Bacchanalia. LOL. Lots of my office memories are with these guys whom I consider one of the groups I'd really love to hang out with.

8. DiMAS
Last year, in my unpublished post, I expressed my longing to some of the guys I have known through the Ministry of Altar Servers. Some would even bet how sentimental I could be when my closest friend from the group entered the military last year. Well, this year has seen a lot of hope and understanding. God has paved way for me to release the grudges in my heart towards the biggest spiritual culprit I have encountered. With the success of some of the guys I have once taught as proteges, God made me realize that all the things that happened in the past were not in vain. I am also happy that for this year, we've had the more frequent reunions. Some are just instant drinking session invites.

7. Hangad Workshops
I have been entrusted to coordinate the workshops facilitated by Hangad. With this, I have notice significant growth in me not only in my relationship with Hangad but also in my personal ministry. The reason of joining the choir I have been admiring for years has been reinforced and I now accept all the challenges I will be facing with them openly and confidently. Well, I just have to work on my punctuality issues. Just as I reminded myself last year. LOL

6. Driving!
Wohoo! I can drive now! Haha... Nuff said. Thanks to Tatay even though I had to really really really convince him in every session. LOL.

5. Samuel
He is the first pet I bought and took care personally from his first month complete with all his medical needs. I have always dreamed of having a Labrador Retriever but he came in in unexpected circumstances. I just love how stresses are relieved even though he has peed in my room a number of times. With that, I can say that I am now capable of having my own baby. Just kidding.

4. Family Dinners <3
My closest friends know how cold my relationship with my father is. But this is one of my 2011 goals which I can say I have succeeded in implementing. I never missed a birthday without a family hangout. Well, as a kuya and the only one who is capable of initiating this, I am thankful that God filled me with lots of good vibes. In times when I was about to let loose of my role as panganay, God reminds me to hang on, assuring me that everything is paying off. True enough. And as I write this, I am confident to say that my family has never been well-bonded as before. More hangouts in the coming years! How about a Singapore trip next?

3. Advent Retreat
This is the best retreat I have attended so far. I think this is the most life-changing one with a powerful effect on my personal life. The lessons of desires and waiting - this weekend with Hangad is one of the most memorable moments in my life that I will always remember. And so, I shall be facing 2012 not only with an optimistic tone but a hopeful one.

2. Singapore - Kuala Lumpur Tour
No. This is not number one yet. That's how blessed I am in 2011. I am speechless. Just read my previous blog about this. God, you rock!

and tentenenen!

1. This Time With You
I am a musician. Finally, I can embrace that. From the tiring yet rewarding nights of recordings and rehearsals, this album is considered the best gift Hangad has to offer in 2011 and probably in 20 years of existence. And I am a part of it! (tears) Oh God. I am humbled by this experience. Not only have I joined the recording of an album for the second time, I was able to contribute two songs and record one solo. It's like hitting so many birds in one stone. These things are just dreams that I did not even think of making realized. I have been thinking so small and constrained about myself. Now, with this project and the encouragements of Hangad, friends and other people around me, I am finally convinced of what I am capable of doing with God's help. I bow down in awe Lord.

Just ten? Of course not. I can actually give you an endless list. Some of which might include my birthday retreat in Manaoag Pangasinan, my wedding gigs in Barasoain Church, my Guimaras-Iloilo Trip, a jingle I wrote for an episode in Maalaala Mo Kaya, dating and many more! But as of now, let me just tell you that 2012 is gonna be more blessed! So better get ready for more!

Agnus Dei

Bilang lingkod ng dambana mula taong 1997, marami na akong  napaglingkurang pari at obispo. Ang ilan sa mga una kong napaglingkurang misa ay ang kina Bp. Tom Yalung at yumaong Jaime Cardinal Sin. May ilang pari rin akong gustong-gustong paglingkuran gaya nina Fr. Godwin Tatlonghari, Fr. Dave Concepcion, Fr. Anton Pascual, Fr. Carlo Magno Marcelo, Fr. Rolly Garcia at maraming pang iba na kapag may schedule sa aming parokya ay inaabangan ko. Mahuhusay sila magsermon. Masigla, kauna-unawa at kaala-alala. Higit sa lahat, hindi nila minamadali ang misa. Bawat salitang lumalabas sa kanilang bibig ay pinaghahandaan at bawat letrang binabasa sa Missal ay ninanamnam bago inuusal nang may damdamin.

Ayoko ng madaliang misa. Madalas iniiwasan ko ang misa ng paring parang may hinahabol na lakad sa bilis magsalita. Ang Banal na Misa ang pinagkukunan ko ng lakas kaya naman nais kong sulit ang pag-upo ko nang isang oras o kahit higit pa. Minsan masining pa ang pagbabasa ng pari ng Panalangin ng Pagpupuri at Pasasalamat o Eucharistic Prayer. Gustong gusto ko ito kapag naihahatid ng pari sa mga mananampalataya ang senaryo ng Huling Hapunan. Bukod dito, may isa akong paboritong bahagi ng misa kung saan para sa akin nararapat lang maging madamdamin. Ito ay ang paghahati-hati ng Katawan ni Kristo at pag-awit ng Kordero ng Diyos.

Bukod sa Ama Namin, sa pag-awit ng Kordero ng Diyos na ata pinakamalakas ang sambayanan. Dumadagundong ang simbahan sa iisang tinig ng mga nagsisimba. Mas nabibigyang-diin na ang yugtong iyon ay para sa bayan. Kapag binabanggit ng kaibigan kong pari na si Fr. Orlin Ordoña ang mga katagang, “Ito ang Kordero ng Diyos...”, nakikita ko si Kristo na inaalay ang Kanyang sarili para tayo’y mabuhay. Marubdob. Madamdamin. Masimbuyo. Damang-dama Mong si Kristo ang tinatanggap mo sa Komunyon.

Sa tingin ko, kapag ang isang bagay o gawain ang pinagkukunan mo ng lakas, nararapat lamang na bigyan ito ng karampatang panahon. Ang pagrerecharge  ay may akmang oras na hindi dapat nauudlot upang mas maging mabisa.

Kung pipili tayo ng pagkukunan ng lakas, piliin natin ang paraan kung saan mas magiging sulit ang panahong iyon. Sa kapaguran ba naman ng bawat araw natin, bakit pa natin mamadaliin ang kaunting panahong makausap natin ang Diyos?

Finally Moving Forward

Since the time I gave up my ministry in Maria Reyna ng mga Apostoles Parish, a lot of things related to my former protégés had been following me. Certainly it is because we have journeyed together on our teenage years and somehow we are connected as brothers. Since I was their leader, most of my members were younger than me. And some, even if I was only few months older than them, were fond to call me kuya. I loved being a big brother to them perhaps because of my longing for my little brother who passed away when I was in grade school.

When I decided to leave for the common good, I admit having a hard time to keep myself out of the MRA track. These dudes kept their connections with me as if everything were normal. We still hanged out a lot and talk a lot of church stuff, only that few annoyances to the new church administration were added. I tried to keep myself under the grace of prudence though I admit, just because being the one downcast, I slipped a lot of times. During those days, I was in the pit of hatred so I sometimes ended up expressing bitter words, subconsciously worsening the devastated emotions of my younger brothers for losing their only way of being at the church.

I tried to establish a group for the former altar servers of MRA. It went fine in the first few months but in less than a year, I had to tell myself that it was not working. The main activity that kept us intact was serving at the altar. We can act as a charismatic prayer group or a contemplative circle of friends visiting the adoration chapel after jogging, but deep inside we knew, we miss the service. And even now, on the third year since the advent of the big change occurred, I know in my heart how we still love to be the respected liturgical team of servers of the parish.

We were lost. Some of us still are. In that few months of parting ways, many things transpired. Without me noticing, the once gradeschoolers are now in college while some are out of school. Some former protégés have graduated and are enjoying the beginning of their career while some became young fathers. Some are yuppies now while some are unemployed and even worse, look for a way to have milk for their babies.

During the time of confusion, I kept asking myself why such things had to happen which took me the chance to at least rectify what could have been wrong with my adolescent members’ minds. I even blamed myself for some unknown reasons. Anyone from the group could attest how I could get myself involved with the personal lives of these people and sometimes intrude even the most private details of their family predicaments during my altar boy headship. My intentions as a leader then were so unpredictable leading to my unnecessary moves and even putting myself into unexpected troubles sometimes. That was how I use to put my heart in every situation concerning them. So it was really hard for me knowing that I was not there for these guys when I should be helping them or at least hearing their stories. My morale had been so low for the last two years. When I left MRA, it felt as if I left my sense of purpose. It was the community where I planted my roots, where I grew and where I put all my teenage time and energy. It felt bad that I forgot the good sides of my experiences.

I think the bad energy started to wear out last week. Yeah. After a very long time of convincing myself that my seven years of leading the group didn’t go in vain even after all the details of the former group were erased from the name and the members up to the least significant detail of the logo, I finally told myself, it’s ok. Good Lord, that is the reason I can now blog about it. Even after the entire busy schedule with different organizations and communities, it had been haunting me. Even after dramatically producing more evident ministry outcomes than before, it had been haunting me. Even after the physical and moral changes, it had been haunting me. Yeah. Because the mere reason of every transformation I tried to do was still that gradual acceptance of my fate out of my beloved parish. It was the hardest habit to break. It was even harder than the feeling of first break up.

And how it changed last week? I had these two conversations with two former protégés. One is now a cadet in the Philippine Military Academy, whom I consider the closest friend that I have, and the second one is a seminarian, graduating a Philosophy degree in Ateneo De Manila. It takes an overnight with each of these guys to remind me how I have been blessed to be a part of their lives. They started as altar servers and now they are being trained in their chosen fields to help the society. Now, do I have to doubt God’s way of using people?

My lame days started to become perky again. I began waking up early to bathe my dog and go to the office ahead of time. I now go home early to do my personal stuff. I updated my wall calendar just as I used to do back then. I jogged and realigned my schedule once again. Just when I saw myself not doing any good, God sent two messengers to tell me how glad He was for the worthwhile sacrifices I did during my MRAP years. God has a perfect timing. Just two weeks ago, I was weeping in the Adoration Chapel asking for the grace of clarity which had been lost since 2008. When I asked Him why He put me in such confusion of not knowing what my life’s purpose now is, he made me remember how great His plans are for plotting everything that happened in the past, as if reassuring me that more surprises are on their way.

And last week was an unexpected gift. Yes there are still questions but He gave me endorphins to trigger positivity and continue searching for that very thing I have to discover in life. I may still experience low moments ahead in this endeavor. But sure enough, I know I can be more hopeful now, knowing that God has a lot more in store for me.

Pagtatapat ng Isang Tagahimig

Kung hindi man sasapat ang paghimig,

hayaang buhay ko'y sa 'Yo maiawit.

Hindi ko na lubos maalala kung paano kumalabit sa isip ko ang mga titik na ito. Tipikal na araw iyon. Habang naghihintay na maikabit ang mga pyesa ng bagong kompyuter na binili ay minabuti ko nang mananghali muna sa isang malapit na kainan. Nilabas ko ang kwaderno at isinatinta ang mga linyang patula na nangungulit sa aking diwa ilang minuto na. Para sa apat na saknong, kapos pa sa ibig kong porma upang lumapat sa damdamin ng himig na matagal nang nagsusumigaw sa isang sulok ng aking kaisipan. "Aayusin ko na lang sa bahay." Sabi ko sa sarili ko.

Tulad ng usang uhaw sa tubig ng batis,

Ang aking kaluluwa sa 'Yo'y nananabik.

Nakapananariwang manalangin sa awit ng aking Unang Pakikinabang. Sa tuwing ako'y nagsisimba at ito ang kinakanta ng koro, nanunumbalik nang bigla ang apoy ng paghahangad na paglingkuran Siya. Siya na pinangakuan kong magiging matalik kong kaibigan buhat pa noong nasa ikalimang baitang pa lang ako. "As the deer..." ang himig ng mga paslit na tinig, umaawit na para kang pinaaalalahanang Siya ang una kong inasam bago pa man dumating ang maraming bagay sa aking buhay.

Hindi ko alam kung paano nangyari ang lahat. Naging bahagi ako ng korong sa dalumat ko lang tinangkang sabayang awitan. Nakatagpo ako ng mga taong nagustuhan ang mga himig ko. Napabilang ako sa isang pangkat ng magkakaibigang patuloy na nagpapaalala na sa kabila ng pagdududa ko sa aking sarili, naniniwala ang Diyos sa akin. Napasama ako sa mga taong nagsabing, "Sumulat ka pa nang marami!" sa panahong halos pinaslang ko na ang paniniwalang kapos ang aking kayang ibigay bilang manunulat at mang-aawit.

Sa pagbubunsod ng ikawalong album ng Hangad, maraming nabuksan sa akin. Saklaw nito hindi lamang ang pagiging mang-aawit at kompositor ko kundi maging ang pagiging tao sa kabuuan. Nanood ang mga tao ng dalawang konsiyerto. Nagbilihan ng kani-kaniyang sipi ng album. Ako naman, sa huling nota ng pangwakas na awitin, babaunin ko ang mga pagkatuto sa mga susunod na proyekto. Narinig ko na at naangkin ang mga salita ng Panginoon sa minsan naming pag-uusap. "Sapat ang biyaya ko para sa iyo kaya huwag mo itong pagdudahan."

Why do we fast and abstain?

You walk because you know where you are going. You reach for something with your hand, eat your favourite dessert and watch your much-loved primetime series. We do things because we think. And this combination of thought, memory, emotion, imagination and will are proofs that man is not only a mortal being but a spiritual one connected into something greater than what we see and feel. In fact, we think first before we even move our body. Our physical being, ideally, obeys what the human spirit commands.

This proves that our spiritual nature is superior to the body. Lucifer knows this. And this is the root of his envy. As a light-bearer, he knew that the immaterial should be greater than the material. He could not accept God’s order that angels should serve man, especially bow down to the mortal form of God, Jesus Christ. His envy turned to rage that he decided to destroy material creation by tempting the greatest masterpiece of The Almighty, man. This is the reason why temptation exists, to mutilate the race of man.

How is this connected with today’s liturgy? We, as mortal beings, are confined to this world of temptation. Human as we are, we tend to follow what our body wants first before considering what our spirit commands. And this is how we let Satan ruin our lives, when we let our worldly desires prevail. The ash on the forehead is simply but a reminder that this life is temporary, that we are spiritual being first, a concept that was realized when God, out of His abounding generosity, let us live. Fasting and abstinence stress that it is not the body that is greater than the soul. Our spirit dictates what our body should do, not the other way around. If we decide to do the latter, we let Satan ruin us because he can only destroy our being through our material nature. This, I think, is the message of self-denial for the Lenten season: To tame our bodies that it may follow what the soul desires.

In this forty day journey of fasting, prayer and alms-giving, may our prayer be like the song of David after Prophet Nathan rebuked him.

Create in me a pure heart, O God,
   and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
 Do not cast me from your presence
   or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
   and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

                         (Psalm 51:7-9 - New International Version)

Lessons from the Christmas Pickpockets

Last night I lost my wallet while striding along the Guadalupe night market. I was bound to Cubao so I took the broader part of the side walks which is near the road. When I reached the MRT Station, I discovered my backpack's front pocket was unzipped. "Oh Lord", I mumbled. Then I felt my body froze for few seconds.

I lost my first Italian Leather wallet. Stingy as I am, I don't buy wallet for myself. I only had one because my grandfather, whose based in Nevada, left it here in our home around two years ago. I only used it this year when my mother, who kept his stuff, noticed that my previous one, which was gifted to me and I was using since college, has already worn out. She handed me the handsome slick brown leather wallet.

There I put every cards that would fit. Enclosed were my IDs: SSS, TIN, National Library, and my most valued YFC and altar server ID's which I have been keeping since high school. Of course my other important cards were there, stuff like bank cards, health card, reward cards and regretfully, my Time Zone card. Lol. I had three thousand cash in my wallet which I was about to use for my second batch of shopping for my inaanaks.

That night also, I was scouting for a good model to replace my Nokia 1100. I had a good budget in mind. Now, I might as well delay the purchase. My penny-pinching attitude was not moved by the incident. People would suggest me to compensate what was lost and that its time to indulge myself to a nice gadget. But hey, my new year's resolution last year was to avoid being impulsive since I have a big deal of expenses at home. This incident is actually teaching me to be more responsible on every aspect.

One lesson on being responsible is "Don't tolerate those pickpockets". If you're reading this, keep watch of your belongings when you're walking around the metro, riding the train or even just by staying in a public place. Learn from me so you won't learn it the hard way as I did.

There was an hour of denial stage. Thanks to a friend who saw me staring aimlessly on the way. He treated me a bite and accompanied me to the police station to report. After having my cards blocked, it dawned on me how lucky I am. First, I didn't have to resort to those kind of things so I can feed my family. The good Lord gave me a good job and He can actually give me more than the amount I lost exactly the day after. Second, I wasn't hurt. I can't imagine another trauma of a mugging experience. I can tell because I had a terrible one way back in college.

I am simply blessed. I hope the one who stole my wallet will be blessed too! Honestly, I pray that this will be the last Christmas he or she will be stealing for their food in Noche Buena.

Semper Gratias Ago

Mediatrix

I don't know what's with the Blessed Virgin Mary but everytime I offer a mass for her, I find myself drawing closer to God. That even as I try to control my life away from Jesus, BVM inspires me to keep on track. I always remember December 8 as a date of redeeming myself. Even in the past years, I find myself at the gloomiest sorrow of remorse the day before the Immaculate Conception, only to be reminded that God loves me so.

You know what, Blessed Mother? Whatever it is inside my heart that makes your inspiring presence prevail, just let it be. I love God. And perhaps you are the biggest factor that taught me how to.

Oh Mary conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee. Amen

The King and I

Here I go again, attempting to set up a new blog. I used to get not so bad grades in writing but never really practiced it on my leisure time, except when something really noteworthy came in and I wanted to have souvenirs, LOL. I am now again starting a new blog with hopes of pursuing this for my own good. Ever since I graduated, I missed to consider the fact that writing can actually make one's communication skill better. I tried but then again I got easily lethargic to continue. There I said it. Tinatamad ako. And one valid reason might be my fear of writing something that'll uncreate me - not exactly destroy but downplay the positivity. People might know me as an optimistic and prayerful person, but as an artist, I admit being crabby at times, well that's rarely (Defensive? LOL). But now I must face the fact that I am not getting any younger to do the things I should've done earlier. And so this blog is born. Yay! Well, enough of this nonsense dragging intro.

So what is this yet-another-time-wasting so-called attempted blogging about? Honestly, I don't know. And that's it. Anything goes now. It won't be as themed as my previous attempts were with all-religious or all-vanities stuff. This time I just want to be honest, still sensitive as a contemporary Catholic dude but bold enough as a mature guy if I mean self-expression. I won't aim to gain hits nor impress my friend critics. With this, I simply hope to harness some writing abilities I have forgotten. Pahintulutan ninyong halukayin ko ang mga halos naparam nang mithiing makapaglathala.


Allow me to put some Catholic inputs here. I suddenly thought of starting this blog on the eve of Christ The King Solemnity of the year 2010. It means that next week is a new year in the Catholic Calendar. I hope this could be a good form of resolution - to give writing a chance. And I also hope that more than the artist mood, I would let the King of my life reign in everything I say, write and do. Amen

Semper Gratias Ago.